My Daily Morning Routine

For the past couple of years I began getting serious about taking some extra steps to ensure I’m healthy.  This involved taking regular vitamins, which was somewhat difficult for me since I don’t like taking pills and I tend to forget to take medications as prescribed after a few days.  However, I pushed through and taking my vitamins naturally became part of my daily routine.  Last year when Covid-19 took over our lives, I felt a bit more at ease because I already had a system in place that boosts my immune system.  

One of the steps I take that I know contributes to my health happens in the morning when I’m brushing my teeth.  After I brush my teeth, I rinse my nose with a saline spray (ie. Neti Pot) and flush my system of any mucus.  (You’ll be surprised what flushes when you think you’re fine and not congested!). I do this each and every morning.  I then follow with 2-3 drops of wild oregano oil under the tongue.  I LIVE by this oregano oil.  It will kill any cold/flu symptoms in a day or two.  As I previously mentioned, I do this everyday, even when I don’t feel sick.  When I feel I am starting to get a cold, which rarely happens now, I increase how often I may do the neti pot and I increase the number of drops of oregano oil in the morning. 

I used to be a person that was constantly congested and would often get colds.  This is not a problem for me anymore since I began taking these extra steps. 

Note: The vitamins I take daily are a woman’s vitamin, elderberry, echinacea, and golden seal.  I also take into consideration my diet, sleep, and exercise.  Photographed above is the oregano oil I use and a saline spray that may be a more sensitive option to begin with and that the entire family can use.

2019: Seasons of Lessons

If 2019 could talk it would say to me, “But did you die?” 

I didn’t die.  But 2019 draaagged my ass.  It was a tough year and from what I’ve seen and heard from others, it seems like it was a hard year for a lot of people.  I recently put on my Instagram stories that If I thought about 2019 negatively then I would say it was “trash” and move on to 2020, but if I think about it positively I would say it was “awakening” and bring that with me to 2020. Hard times come with great lessons.  I guess that’s how God makes it all up to us.  All we have to do is take a moment to pause, reflect, and process.  Let me share some of the lessons 2019 taught me.  

I started the new year in the middle of my school year teaching at a new school.  I went to teach at this new school without doing any research on the school.  I went there simply because my ninth grade English teacher, who became my mentor and friend, taught there and we always dreamed of working together.  I didn’t think too much of it and quickly jumped on this opportunity.  I don’t want to dwell too much on those details because it’s not important to this story, but I will say the school wasn’t right for me.  I literally felt like I was in a battle everyday and so 2019 began and I was not in a good place professionally.  I couldn’t wait for the school year to be over.  I felt physically, mentally, and spiritually drained.  I knew I was working at a place that took from me way more than it taught me and so, aware of that, when the open market transfer system time came I began looking for a new school.  

This experience taught me a few lessons: (1) Not to make rash decisions without thinking about everything (2) Always be your authentic self.  I kept it real all the time.  Even when I thought it would backfire.  (3) If you’re not happy where you are, leave! Take that risk.  People say the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know, but what about if the next situation is devil-free? 

In my search for a new school, I got an interview at a school in Queens that I was very excited about.  The interview went well (even though I HATE interviews! I’m very modest and very real and I always feel that in an interview you have to brag about yourself and most of the time people are being fake as hell, so I always think that interviewers are thinking you’re bullshitting them… all of this makes me extremely uncomfortable). Afterwards, they asked me to do demo lesson the following week and so I did.  During the interview and the post demo lesson conference, the principal had said some things that I didn’t agree with and that rubbed me the wrong way about the school and about how her thoughts and beliefs would potentially influence my classroom in the future if I worked there.  That was the universe speaking to me, but I chose to ignore it because I REALLY wanted to teach at this school.  I answered her questions in regard to the thinking behind my decisions for the demo how I thought she would like me to answer and never just kept it real and said what I really wanted to say.   I kept thinking I didn’t want to come off too aggressive or too much like a “know it all”.  I left the school that last time not feeling good about the meeting.  However, I still sent them the references they requested and waited for them to get back to me.  In a few days, they sent me an email saying that they were not going to hire me for the position and I cried and doubted myself as a teacher.  I thought the worst things about myself.  Now in retrospect, I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be.  God’s plan is always a better plan.

This experience taught me: (1) Trust God’s plan (2) Always do the work and push yourself.  There’s always more growth.  If you’re not learning and growing, you’re dead. (3) Always be your authentic self! I wasn’t doing that in my interview and meeting with them.  I was playing it safe, saying what I thought I should say, worried I would rub them the wrong way or seem like too much of this or that, but I still didn’t get the job, right?! I should’ve never been anyone but myself because obviously faking it didn’t get me the job either, so now I’m left without the job and without the benefit of knowing I was true to myself in the process.  

Summer arrived and I had worked hard and risked so much to take the kids to Jamaica.  They had never been there and we were all so excited.  We were packed and at the airport and never made it on our trip.  To make things worse, we spent all this money and we were losing it all because we didn’t have any travel insurance. This meant that in addition to not going on our family vacation, I also wouldn’t be able to make it up to them.  I fell into a depression about this failed vacation because this is what I give my kids: experience and exposure. We had done a cute road trip to Canada, but Jamaica was what we were all looking forward to.  When it didn’t happen, it broke me.  All along though, the universe had been talking to me and I wasn’t listening.  I felt so weird in the weeks leading up to this vacation.  I am not sure how to explain it, but when it didn’t happen, after the initial depression, I knew I wasn’t supposed to go.  

This experience taught me: (1) Trust God’s plan (2) How we choose to see the things that happen to us is all we really have.  I could choose to focus on the money I lost and all the other negative things or I could choose to focus on the idea that this vacation was not for us for a reason that I may never know.  Things don’t happen to us they happen for us.

Fall was here and so that meant the school year was here too.  This is a busy and hectic time as a teacher and a mother.  I don’t know how I do it all honestly. I went into the new school year with focus & boundaries on my mind.  I promised I would get to work early and stay late daily, so that I don’t ever bring work home! I’m glad to say that I kept to that, but one of the main reasons I did that was because I never finalized my thesis for my graduate degree.  Although I’ve taken all the required courses, passed all of my exams, I haven’t completed my thesis paper.  While I can say that I’ve done my fair share of procrastination, I also always have a lot going on at work and as a mother of three a lot going on at home, so it’s not easy.  I am currently working as a NYC DOE teacher with an extension on my license that will expire in 2020 unless I get my thesis done, so when the school year started I really began finalizing my thesis, for which I had been reading and preparing for all summer.   The deadline to submit was December 7th and, long story short, I didn’t meet that deadline.  The professor I am working with hated my draft and the day after I received her copyedit notes and her feedback my aunt died and subsequently my mother was hospitalized.  My world was turned upside down.  When my mother was released from the hospital, my dad was hospitalized.  Almost everyday since then I’ve woken up to more bad news and more obstacles.  I’ve felt defeated and I still feel that way because this is new and I’m still dealing and processing.  

However, this experience has already taught me (1) Always appreciate the challenge.  It helps your growth.  You just have to show up and God will take you through.  I chose a professor that I knew was going to push me in every sense.  I chose to write my thesis on one of the most challenging writers of all time.  But I can do this.  I can and I will.  (2) Health is wealth!  Take care of yourself, and your children and parents. 

Overall, we can think of ourselves as victims.  We can sit and cry and think “we don’t deserve this” or “why is this happening to me?”, but the truth is that isn’t helpful.   It doesn’t provide us with any solutions.  It doesn’t remove the problem.  More importantly, it doesn’t even give us the mindset we need to gain the lesson from that experience to grow.  And this is all hard to do.  It’s easier to look at things in a negative way and think of ourselves as victims.  I do it too, but what i’m saying is that if you stay in that state of mind, then you can’t win.  

So with that, I’ll say 2019 was awakening, challenging, a year of transitions and transformations.  

BIGGEST Lessons: 

(1) Listen to the universe because it’s always talking.  It’s in our gut feelings and in all the energy around us.

(2) Trust God’s plan

(3) Take care of your mind and your spirit! Protect your energy.  

Becoming

For this past birthday my lover bought me Michelle Obama’s Becoming as part of my birthday gift and from the first page, the very first line, which reads, “I spent much of my childhood listening to the sound of striving.”, I knew I’d be thanking him for a long time.  

This week I finished the book.  

I’ve read the praise, I’ve seen parts of the tour online, I’m aware it’s still on the NY Times Best Seller list and that it broke several sales records.  I’ve also seen the social media craze, which sometimes turns people off, but for this book, I’ll tell you it’s worth it.  

If I’m honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect from our former first lady.  While I was intrigued about the possibility of gaining insight into what the life of a United States First Family (not to mention First Black Family) was like, and while I was interested in learning more about the woman who has fascinated us with her intellect and her grace, I wasn’t sure that I would be reading a page turner.  However, there were nights I really didn’t want to stop reading.  

Now that I completed the memoir, I’m left feeling so grateful for the simple fact that people write their stories.  Every time I read stories like these, I am reminded of the power of literature: how it connects us and how it forces us to reflect on our lives. In reading her story, I learned about myself, and I reflected on my role as a mother, as a friend, as a professional, and as a partner.  

I don’t want to share too much of the story, in fear of ruining it for those people that haven’t read it yet, but I do want to share that it moved me.  It was a powerful story of finding your place, your voice, and of becoming, every day, more of the person you’re supposed to me. 

I’ll share some quotes from the book that were either aesthetically pleasing to read or that turned on the lightbulb in my mind.  

“Failure is a feeling long before it becomes an actual result.”(p43)

“Here’s a memory, which like most memories is imperfect and subjective—collected long ago like a beach pebble and slipped into the pocket of my mind.” (p87)

“My purpose had always been to see pst my neighborhood—to look ahead and overcome.  And I had.  I’d scored myself two Ivy League degrees.  I had a seat at the table at Sidley & Austin.  I’d made my parents and grandparents proud.  But listening to Barack, I began to understand that his version of hope reached far beyond mine: It was one thing to get yourself out of a stuck place, I realized.  It was another thing entirely to try and get the place itself unstuck.” (p117-18)

“There are truths we face and truths we ignore…” (p135)

“I didn’t want them ever to believe that life began when the man of the house arrived home.  We didn’t wait for Dad.  It was his job now to catch up with us.” (p207)

“My friends made me whole, as they always have and always will.” (p362)

“You got somewhere by building that better reality, if at first only in your own mind.” (p395)

“I had nothing or I had everything.  It depends on which way you want to tell it.” (p416)

“I’m an ordinary person who found herself on an extraordinary journey.” (p420-21)

Self Healing

This past few weeks had me cleansing my spirit and doing some despojos, so I wanted to address what I do in my journey to self healing.

My self healing: What does that look like for ME?

(Because everyone’s self healing looks different.)

1. Getting to really know who I am. Being honest with myself and taking accountability for it all. Even the parts I don’t like about myself. I have to acknowledge them, for they are a part of me. Acknowledging is the first step at becoming a better person. Even if some parts of us will never change to the extent that we want them to, but if we acknowledge them then we are making a conscious decision to in some way address it and that alone helps us grow and heal.

2. Writing. Writing has always been my tool to fully express myself. When I am hurt, happy, sad, inspired, frustrated, I turn to pen and paper. Writing is and always will be at the forefront of my self healing.

3. Reading. Reading helps me learn and exposes me to different point of views. It has healed me since I was a very young child. My mom would call me “celebrito” (brainiac) when I was a child because I would always be in the corner reading a book. I was lonely as a child because my siblings were so much older than me and reading was what I turned to. Since then reading has been a tool for self healing —even before I knew anything about the power we have in nurturing and healing ourselves.

4. Time. Spending time in places and with people that accept me and bring me peace. For me that place has been the ocean or somewhere quiet (coffee spot, on a bench at the park). The people have been many of my friends, my love, and my children. Also, I’ve learned that every friend isn’t for everything. Who I turn to at that moment depends on which friend I think can help me see something that I haven’t yet.

5. Learning. The more I learn, the more open, reflective, and forgiving I become. Self healing begins with forgiving ourselves.

Prayer

Today I prayed for the first time in my life.

I had prayed many times before actually, but those were all prayers that I had memorized from bible books of my childhood: Hail Mary, Our Father’s...

They weren’t genuine prayers from the heart.

Moreover, In the past even those prayers made up entirely by me and “from the heart” only came at times of need or deep sadness.  

Today was different. 

Today I prayed a prayer for my family that came from my heart and while there is peace, not need, in my heart. 

I prayed out of gratitude.

I prayed to God and my ancestors and asked to them to bless our home. I prayed in my children’s rooms for their protection, and their development. I pray for their creativity, their inspiration, and their relationships with others.

I prayed in our bathroom for our daily cleansing.

I prayed in our bedroom for our love, connection, and unity.

I prayed over our dinner table and living room for our connection as a family, for meals to be shared in openness and in conversation, so that we are friends, as well as family. I prayed for physical, mental, and spiritual nourishment.

I prayed over our work space for professional growth, blessings, and abundance.

I prayed for our health.

And then I sealed my prayer by the front door where I prayed against the evil eye and negative energy.

I found peace in prayer today. For the first time.

Dela

Two years ago I was offered a teaching position in the YABC program at my school. I began working for an AP that was described as an “old school administrator... one of the few great ones left in the system”. I quickly learned she was that and more. She was real and didn’t sugar coat anything. There was no middle ground with her. It either was or it wasn’t. She either liked you or she didn’t, and whatever it was you would know!

And so, we hit it off. One night as I was leaving work she noticed my Frida Pin, loved it, and asked me where I got it from. It was around this time last year, so I told her I would get one for her. I figured I would throw the pin in with her Christmas gift from the staff.

I came home that night with a mission to order the perfect pin! She loved Frida, but she was also a big fan of Diego and she was so New York... gritty and raw. So when I finally saw the pin I ordered, I thought, “mission complete!”

It was supreme: Frida and Diego together in one pin. Frida had one arm on Diego and her hand on his shoulder. At the bottom, in a ribbon, it said “Gon’ brush yo’ shoulders off”. The pin is poetry. I immediately got it and was patiently waiting for it to arrive. I received confirmation and was charged, but I hadn’t received the pin. Worried that it wouldn’t arrive in time for Christmas, I started to send the company emails regarding the status of my pin. It was a small business, so I was emailing the woman who ran it and after many rude back and forth emails between her and I, I placed a stop payment on my card and although she had claimed that she had already mailed the pin, I never received it. I ordered another regular Frida pin from urban outfitters (or some place like that) and that was the end of it.

I gave my AP the new pin I had purchased and never mentioned the story to her. The truth is I was still pissed as hell because the new pin didn’t compare in quality and the one I originally wanted was just so kick ass... like her.

About a month later, she passed away. Suddenly. It was crazy. Everyone was shocked and hurt. I never saw people grieve like I did for this woman. Her wake was packed! Students came, staff from all her years in this career came, her family and friends... there was a line to get in to view her. It was a manifestation of the effect she had on the people lucky enough to know her.

I still feel horrible that I didn’t get to know her for longer than those few months. She said to me once, when I shared with her that I was expecting (I had recently found out that I was pregnant with my third child, Baby K), that one day we’ll share a drink and she would tell me her story of being a young mom and making a great life for herself when everyone was doubting her. I was upset and still am that we never got that opportunity. Still and all I have my few memories and my many presents from her (She took care of her teachers! And since she knew I loved Frida she shared some goodies with me that I will keep forever).

Last week as I opened my mail I had a registered package with a return address I didn’t recognize. Feeling a bit puzzled and curious I opened the package only to find the pin I ordered a year ago for my dearly departed boss.

There was no note. Only a pin with Frida, Diego, and a touch of Dela who I’m sure is in Heaven brushing her shoulders off, as she should.

Project Read

This Week—I want to use this small platform to highlight something I’m calling Project Read. Project Read was initially an attempt to get my friends, family, and social media followers to donate a young adult book for my students to read during Independent Reading time. 

Back Story: Over the summer the English Department at the school I work in picked up Kelly Gallagher’s book 180 Days: Two Teachers and the Quest to Engage and Empower Adolescents and absolutely loved what he’s doing in his classroom.  We think that his approach to teaching reading and writing is refreshing, and while it may seem a bit innovative, considering the current state in the DOE and what administrators want to see when they come in to observe you, his approach really goes back to basics.  If we want our students to be better readers and writers then we have to require them to do more reading and writing. Period.  He presents significant research that we know is logical, so we’re currently trying to implement aspects of his curriculum into ours. 

Present: At the core of this curriculum is independent reading. The goal is to get students to read books they love, so that their reading skills improve organically. Our students aren’t reading enough and they’re suffering because of it.  Moreover, we are teaching adolescents during a very difficult time because they live and exist as part of a culture that doesn’t value reading.  Therefore, they don’t read.  When you don’t read, your skills recede. 

When students read, however, their critical thinking skills improve, as well as, their writing skills, their vocabulary, and they’re ability to communicate.  Reading basically elevates all of the skills they need to succeed post high school.  Therefore, it is crucial that they establish the habit of daily reading now.  

Currently there is no classroom library in our classrooms. The books we have there are mostly old and are mostly classic novels that used to be taught in English classrooms back in my day (or before). While these books are great, and we want them to read those too. They’re difficult and out of touch for them. Moreover, our school doesn’t have the funds to purchase the books we do need. This is why I want to make it my mission to get books, specifically Young Adult books: books they’re familiar with, stories they’ve probably seen on TV recently (movie, Netflix, series), and stories written by writers they’re familiar with, into their hands. That is what’s going to make the difference for them. Reading these books could get them ready to read the classics next year, or, hopefully, next semester. 

So, one day while I was venting my frustrations on Instagram about the messed up system, about my students not having access to quality books they will enjoy, and about spending 84 dollars on just 7 books, I began brainstorming about how I could get more books into their hands without spending all the money I don’t have.  I didn’t have any set ideas, when my friend DM-ed me asking if she could mail me her used copy of 13 Reasons Why.  She said she had already read it and would love to donate it to my classroom for any student to read.  Of course, I said, yes, and I thought it was the sweetest gesture ever!  I was so excited when I received it and opened the package in my home, that I immediately thought, what if I get people to just donate 1 book?  I could post about it and if every person following me could donate one book, ONE SINGLE BOOK, I could have hundreds of books for my students to choose from.  Also, they could unbox them with us, and they’ll see that social media could be a tool for positivity and for networking.  

So that’s what happened and that’s how Project Read was born.  After that, I went on my social media and challenged my followers to donate a book! (Or more than one if you’re feeling generous!). I provided a list of popular books on the post—books I heard them talking about, but honestly any YA (young adult) book that you think teenagers from the South Bronx (must stress that!) would be accepted with open hands.  

We have started receiving books, but we have a lonnnnng way to go! 

(If you would like to donate a book, please get in touch with me and I’ll provide you our school’s address.) 

Self Healing

This week has had me cleansing my spirit and doing some despojos, so I wanted to address what I do in my journey to self healing.

My self healing: What does that look like for ME?

(Because everyone’s self healing looks different.)

1. Getting to really know who I am. Being honest with myself and taking accountability for it all. Even the parts I don’t like about myself. I have to acknowledge them, for they are a part of me. Acknowledging is the first step at becoming a better person. Even if some parts of us will never change to the extent that we want them to, but if we acknowledge them then we are making a conscious decision to in some way address it and that alone helps me grow and heal.

2. Writing. Writing has always been my tool to fully express myself. When I am hurt, happy, sad, inspired, frustrated, I turn to pen and paper. Writing is and always will be at the forefront of my self healing.

3. Reading. Reading helps me learn and exposes me to different point of views. It has healed me since I was a very young child. My mom would call me “celebrito” (brainiac) when I was a child because I would always be in the corner reading a book. I was lonely as a child because my siblings were so much older than me and reading was what I turned to. Since then reading has been a tool for self healing... even before I knew anything about the power we have in nurturing and healing ourselves.

4. Time. Spending time in places and with people that accept me and bring me peace. For me that place has been the ocean or somewhere quiet (coffee spot, on a bench at the park). The people have been many of my friends, my love, and my children. Also, I’ve learned that every friend isn’t for everything. Who I turn to at that moment depends on which friend I think can help me see something that I haven’t yet.

5. Learning. The more I learn, the more open, reflective, and forgiving I become. Self healing begins with forgiving ourselves.

Summer Reading

So I’ve been reading The Female Persuasion by Meg Wolitzer and I’m off to a slow start because… well, life.  It’s not easy having a newborn, but I’ve been getting a routine going and establishing a reading schedule, so I can finish TFP as soon as possible.  Why the rush? Well because I recently came across the article on Bustle, linked below, and there are a few books on that list that I am very interested in reading. Can you guess which ones?  

Read the article and see if there are any that grab your attention. :)   

https://www.bustle.com/p/12-new-books-out-this-week-that-you-need-to-read-in-the-final-days-of-summer-9859172

My First Two Weeks With You

Magic.  These past two weeks have been pure magic.  Baby K, you are so absolutely perfect: your soft skin, your eyes: so alert, each of your long ten toes, the birthmark under your left eye, your daddy's chin, your mean ol' grill, the way you hold your hands to your face or fold your legs up by your abdomen, just like you did in my womb, it must be, for that's how we saw you in all of our sonograms...your smile when you sleep, your soft short hair, your cute little pout...We are all so in love with you. 

We are all blown away by you.  

WILD

Things I’m Living For This Week…

Sisterhood and books! But that’s not just this week.  That’s the story of my life.  Last month, however, I was able to meet with my fantastic book club, the Wild Ladies, and discuss Tiffany Haddish’s book, The Last Black Unicorn.  I LOVE when we get together because I am reminded of how essential it is for women to empower each other, how refreshing it is…How necessary.  

It happened to be great timing that we happened to read a book written by a woman and that our date fell on Women’s Month.   

I already wrote about my thoughts on the book, so I will not spend time on that.  (If you want to read the review, scroll down to earlier posts). I just want to share the moment with the world.  I want to spread the true message that: “Empowered women empower women”.  We need to uplift one another, support one another, and spend time sharing our magic with each other every chance we get.  

I have my tribe that’s full of women that move me, challenge me, inspire me and contribute to my daily growth.  It is essential to my being. I am grateful that I have them, but it serves me just as well that I am able to share parts of myself with them.

To all my Wonder Women out there: You are Superb. Lets share that with one another.   

But First...

There are some definite givens when Kenny and I go on vacation: They’ll be lots of beach time, we’ll eat at a restaurant that was researched or recommended, and definitely Yelped, we catch a sunset, have a few margaritas at a nice bar, and, most recently, we added that we... must find a great coffee shop!

This last week in Florida, we came across Ella Cafe and Thank Baby Jesus we did!  The coffee was delicious, the snacks were super tasty, the staff was friendly, and the vibe was so chill.  We absolutely loved it!  I really wish we could’ve gone more than once, but if we’re ever in the area again we will definitely stop by for seconds! And if you find yourself in South Florida, anywhere near Plantation, FL, do yourself a favor and go order a cup of Joe and a treat at Ella Cafe.  

(I ordered a cappuccino and their lemon poppy muffin. Kenny had a red eye and their blueberry zucchini muffin.  We ate, drank, talked, took a few pictures, recorded a few videos, and definitely shared a few laughs. <3)

Ella Cafe, Feb. 2018 

Self Love is the topic this week cuz, damn it, that shit is hard sometimes! 

It is especially difficult in the era we live in, where everyone is always so airbrushed, surgically enhanced, and “perfect”.  Or so we think, right?

Well… Let me tell you the story of a young girl who got pregnant at 18 years old, had her first baby one month shy of turning 19 and was left “scarred” for life…Or so she thought.  This girl saw the loose, saggy, wrinkled skin and the stretch marks on her stomach and thought her life was ruined.  

This girl is me.

I hate(d) my belly. I would never show it to anyone.  After having my baby, all of my bathing suits became one-piece, no more crop tops, and during sex my shirt was kept on or the light must be off!  I had (and still have) serious issues concerning my post baby body image.  And this is on top of the normal everyday insecurities: skinny legs, bump on nose, not enough booty, etc, etc.  I don’t want to sound like I suffer with low self esteem because that isn’t the case, but we all have insecurities and some days they’re louder than others.  Some days you can’t focus on anything other than their chant.  My “ruined tummy” was loudest of them all and has haunted me for years.

Anyhow, lets fast forward to 10 years after birthing my first son.  Ten years of the “you can’t see my stomach” show.  At this time I had met my lover and soon after I found myself in a relationship with a man that slowly helped me realize that I should look at my beauty differently.  He couldn’t see how I could focus so much on the things I didn’t like and ignore the “best parts”.  It took a while and it is still something Im working on, but being able to see myself through his eyes shifted my opinion of myself.  It made me a lot more comfortable in my own skin.  Here we are now 14 years after the birth and I don’t know how my lover managed to do it in these l4 years, but his love, his compliments, the way he looks at me, makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world sometimes.  Add on the fact that I have grown older, more mature, have awaken and, as a result, have developed a deep respect for a woman’s power and grace.  What women are capable of, especially when we are carrying life inside ourselves is phenomenal. Every single one of us is a Phenomenal Woman, indeed.  

I am currently expecting my third child and last week we went on vacation, but as usual, I was planning on wearing one-piece bathing suits.  I’ve grown, but I’m not cured.  The bathing suits I had ordered didn’t fit right at all, so the idea of wearing a two-piece bathing suit came up as we packed because it would just be easier and more comfortable, but how could I?  As if! In addition to the past scars, I now also have a “disgusting bulging hernia”!  How could anyone suggest that I wear a two-piece bathing suit, I thought.  He must be crazy!  

Once again though, I don’t know how exactly, but his words assured me, comforted me, and helped me realize that I am carrying life, that I am beautiful, that I don’t have anything to feel self-conscious about and that I should “strut my stuff”.  

And so it happened.  Fourteen years after giving birth to my first son and after saying goodbye to my beloved two-piece, I found myself on a beach baring it all.  I showed my baby bump adorned with “ugly” stretch marks and the “disgusting” umbilical hernia, but I felt beautiful and powerful.  

At that moment I knew my belly was and is beautiful in that it is a reflection of all that is great: God, Love, and Life.

Bare.  Stretch marks, umbilical hernia, life, love, and beauty.

White Noise

This Week At White Noise...

Nothing makes a bookworm happier than a good coffee shop! Well…White Noise is fantastic, babes! And it’s my neighborhood! Not walking distance, but about a five minute drive, so that will do.  

We’ve come here enough times to receive our 10th stamp on our White Noise card, which grants us a free cup of coffee, and we’re half way through our second card. We love the vibe, the food, and most importantly the coffee.  It’s delicioussssss! I usually order with the cappuccino and Kenny always has the red eye.  As far as food goes, the White Noise BEC and the avocado toast are tasty and filling, but most of the time I just want their butter and jam toast (Which is now offered on a biscuit! Yasss).   

If you’re ever in Flushing, Queens and in the mood for a slammin’ cup of Joe, stop by White Noise! 

The Touré Show

If you know me, you know I’m always down for a great podcast. I find that they’re just the best way to make it through your car ride to work.  Last year I was hooked on Sooo Many White Guys (thanks to my great friend Nathan who be hookin’ your gurl up!).  Recently I’ve been listening to the Touré Show.  

The focus of the Touré Show is to interview “successful” people (He does interview a few of my Greats on the show) and ask them to share how they got to the top of their professional careers. The Touré Show is about asking, “What tactics, attitudes, and strategies fueled their success? What can you learn from them that’ll help you on your rise?”  So, this is definitely a podcast that’s focused on inspiring you on your journey—whatever that may be for you right now.  I’ve listened to about 3 interviews so far.  It takes me some time because I often listen more than once to each podcast, but so far I’m enjoying the ride.  

I can’t say that Touré always asks the BEST questions, but he does accomplish his goal.  He asks what he needs to ask to get these people to define their idea of what success is, to explain what keeps them driven, and what specifically did they do on their journey to get them to where they are now.  

My favorite interview so far is Mr. Spike Lee (but of course—I realize I’m partial).  But I’m here to tell you that you must hear the GEMS Lee drops on us in this hour long interview!  They discuss the current state of Hollywood and the feminist movement that’s shaking things up right now.  This leads them to discuss Spike’s Netflix series, “She’s Gotta Have It”, and ultimately how he has accomplished everything he has in his great career: What experiences, challenges, and people set his career in motion and how he kept it going.

There are many moments when he says things that made me rewind and play it again.  There are moments that will make you laugh out loud. I promise!  It is dense, full of awesome tokens of knowledge, but if I had to choose one to share with you guys here, it’s when he quotes Branch Rickey, and says, “Luck is residue of design.”  He goes further and explains, “If you’re bussing your ass, you’re putting yourself in the position for good things to happen!  If you’re half steppin’ you’re not gonna get the opportunity or if you do you won’t be prepared.”

POW! Just like that, Spike Lee basically tells us to get up off our asses! He urges us to work with passion and dedication. He realizes that most people in the world go to jobs they hate and that loving what you do is key, but when we find that, if we’re lucky enough to find that, then we must WORK and “luck” will be on our side.  

It was a reminder of the significance of Santiago’s life in Coelho’s The Alchemist, when he learns, first hand, that “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.” - The Alchemist

Little Leaders Become BIG Leaders

My lover came across this adorable children’s book on Facebook and immediately ordered a few off Amazon to share with his niece and his friends’ young daughters.  

It’s filled with stories of Black women leaders from our history and even has contemporary Black women and girls that are kickin’ butt today.  

I think it’s pretty clear by now how important it is for young girls, especially young brown and Black girls, to see themselves represented in a positive manner in books, television, and art. 

I definitely recommend this read to families raising little queens. <3  

The Last Black Unicorn

This week is all about Tiffany Haddish.  It’s only right.  It seems last year was the Tiffany Haddish year, which led to her book naturally being the first book club read this year.  The Last Black Unicorn is just as captivating as Haddish, herself, showed to be in 2017.

I’ll try not to say much, so I don’t ruin it for those who haven’t read it.  I’ll just say that I enjoyed the book very much.  It’s an easy (quick) read.  You hear Haddish’s voice throughout the entire book.  There are moments when you will literally laugh out loud (I dare you not to!) and there are moments when you will try to hold back tears.  I highly recommend it.  

To summarize my experience reading the book I’ll say that when I finished the last page and closed the book, I felt sad.  Literally.  She has a tough story and I felt sad for her.  I shared my sentiments with my best friend Mahogany, and she said to me, “yeah, but she made it! She’s successful!”  I responded to her, “yeah, she is, but she must be scarred for life.  The things she went through will affect her forever.  That’s crazy.”

I’m not sure what it was.  We all go through many obstacles in our lives and we all have our own demons because of them.  None of us are perfect, but I felt sad at the end of reading the book.    That’s the most fitting word I can use: sad. 

I won’t say much more, I’ll just leave you with several lines from the book that touched me.

(DISCLAIMER!! Quotes may ruin your reading experience if you haven’t read the book yet and would like to.  Proceed at your own risk!)

“I had gotten accepted into NYU, but they weren’t paying my way…I was basically couch surfing then.  I was just going to all my friends’ houses.  Homeless as hell, just traveling around with my plastic bins.  The ones with wheels on them and stuff…I was eighteen.” - Haddish, p.34

“They would make excuses for her, but they didn’t need to, ‘cause I loved her.  As bad as she was to me, I still couldn’t help but love her.” - Haddish, p.41

“I don’t know.  I just know that I was crying all day after he left.  I was crying all day, because I just felt like that abandoned three-year-old girl again.  I felt horrible.” - Haddish, p. 63

“I felt terrible, I felt like I was going to go to hell for this.  But you know what? I’d rather go to hell and die without a baby on Earth, suffering, than have a baby here on Earth that suffered.  That ain’t right.” - Haddish, p.81

“GRANDMA: Every man is going to think of you as property.  That’s why they want to put they last name on your name…So you want to make sure whoever you end up with knows how to maintain their property.  See yourself as a house…on the highest part of the hill…TIFANY: Ain’t that some fucked up shit to say to a little girl? Especially a poor girl, who was in and out of foster care?  The reality is, for all of my twenties, I thought of myself as an apartment in the projects.” - Haddish, p.158-9

Dealing with Death and Grief

I consider myself extremely lucky to be able to say that I never lost someone close to me.  I’ve lost distant family members of course and I’ve been there for my friends when they have lost members of their family, but I personally haven’t experienced the death of a parent, grandparent, sibling, or close friend.

Then this year began and I lost my nephew. 

January 4th, I woke up to about 5 missed calls from my mother and assuming she hadn’t called about anything serious, I opened up my Instagram and read the news on my feed instead of calling her back.  On there I saw my niece’s post: The one that said that my nephew was dead. I was in shock, thought I might’ve misread.  I remembered the missed calls from mom and called her back. When she confirmed tragic news, I broke down sobbing. My mother was on the other end of the phone trying to calm me, but I couldn’t stop crying. 

It was nonstop crying for about 30 minutes.

The weird thing is that I wasn’t “close” to my nephew. The sad truth is that I hadn’t seen him in years. I hadn’t spoken to him either. My family can be rather distant and we were never taught that it is imperative to keep in touch with family. I was also so young when most of my nieces and nephews were born that I’ve always felt that I could never have or play that authoritative aunt role. 

None of that mattered though. I felt his death and it struck me and took my breath away.

That entire morning I thought of him. I remembered him as a baby living in the apartment next door to me with my brother and his mother. I remembered how his little arms would go up in the air when he would see ME walk through the door so that I would pick him up from his playpen or crib. I remembered his smile as a baby and I immediately thought of how much he always looked like my brother. 

He was my brother’s twin.

I felt pain because his life was taken and I never got the chance to share those memories with him. Regardless of the distance, I always loved him. I always will love him. He’s my nephew forever. We share the same blood, the same family, and the same ancestors.

I felt pain for my dear brother, whom I love so much, because as a parent I can’t imagine the pain you feel when you lose a child. I felt pain because I know that for him this death, like it did for me, must’ve also reminded him of time lost.

During this time while my family and I are still grieving, each of us, in our own way, I received more bad news.  Twelve days after the news of my nephews death, I learned that my assistant principal from my night school job passed away. Let me start by saying that she was more than a supervisor to her staff and more than a principal to her students. She was a friend to her staff and a second mother to most of her students. She was as real as they come, super thoughtful, caring, supportive, giving, helpful, and positive.  Many people broke down when they heard the news of her untimely death. 

During grief counseling we all shared stories about her and laughed and cried together. It was extremely moving to see and hear the effect this one person had on so many people.  One colleague began to share that the news of the death of a loved one brings upon varying reactions from people. She reminded us that we all grieve differently and that no one should tell another how they’re supposed to feel or how to react. This resonated with me because people would say, in fact, I know some people did say and some did think that the distance between my nephew and some of the members in my family should have affected our sentiments.  They thought that the distance somehow made our feelings insignificant and less worthy. 

It didn’t.  I can only speak for myself, but I felt his death deeply. 

We must be reminded that we all love differently and that we are all affected by death differently. Each of us is entitled to feel however our heart feels and grieve as we need without the judgement of anyone.  

Lets be kind to one another and lets show our love to our family and friends.  Lets forgive often and lets give the flowers to the people who matter to us while they can still smell them.  

Gratitude.

With the new year here and all that this wonderful end of the year holiday season brings with it, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I am grateful for in my life.

Life is hectic, complex, and ever changing. Because of that, we often forget to be thankful for the life we live and the many different aspects of it. It’s sometimes hard to be thankful for the job that stresses us out or the husband who doesn’t bring everything on the list from the trip to the store... even when we took the time to write a list! However, if we take the time to really look within we would realize that we are indeed grateful for both and for many other aspects of our beautiful lives. We would hate to lose our jobs, just as well as we probably can’t imagine our lives without our significant others. But in this complicated life it is easy to forget. So, this post is about reminding myself and all of you who read this that it is our responsibility, our duty, to tune into those feelings of gratitude. It’s up to us. Being grateful brings us blessings, so I’m going to begin this year’s blogs by sharing what I am grateful for and hope that I inspire you to do the same. If you begin thinking about what you’re grateful for, I encourage you to write them down so you can remind yourself those times when you forget.

Motherhood. I’m ever so grateful for my kids. Not for any cheesy, clichéd reason, but because they allow me to feel a love that humbles me. My dad once said to me that I wouldn’t understand how much he loves me until I had my own children and I know exactly why he said that. A parents love runs so deep that it awakens you like nothing else. I’m grateful for those feelings because they shape me, inspire me, and move me in ways that nothing else does.  

Work. I’m grateful for the ability to be creative at work. As a teacher, most of the time I feel overwhelmed and not appreciated. It’s a challenging profession: mentally, physically, and spiritually draining. On many days I feel beat up, but I am grateful that as a creative I have a profession where I create opportunities for learning from scratch. I design, I write, and I develop ideas for a living.  In addition, I get to share that with the future of this world.  That’s pretty amazing.  

Family. I’m grateful for them because of the comfort they provide. The sense of tradition and the reminder that they loved me before anyone else ever did.  It warms my heart to think of young Mercy and the love my family provided.  It’s beautiful and this holiday season made this so much more evident, as I watched my children bond with their cousins and do the same things I did with mine a quarter of a century ago.  

Friends. I’m grateful for my angels. My friends save me. They hear me. They provide. I’m grateful for knowing that we can form our own families with special people. My friends teach me. They carry me.  This type of love shows me that sometimes you meet great people that change your life forever.  

Lessons.  I’m grateful for learning and I often learn from messing up.  I’m grateful for the mistakes, the ugly parts of life, the growth, the healing.  I’m grateful that I overcame obstacles.  It gives me character, and self affirmation.

Love.  I’ve been so selfish that being in love has never come easy.  True love is selfless, compromising, forgiving, and most of all, work.  I always loved myself so much that it was conflicting to do that for anyone else.  I’m grateful I have grown as a person and that I am now capable of real love.  The type of love that is work, but that is good work.  And I’m grateful that the person I love deserves it.  I guess it is true what people say: “They get better when you do".  

A place to call home.  I’m grateful that I have a warm and safe place to sleep in every night.  A place that I can have my friends and family over for game night, and play dates for my children. A place that feels comfortable and contributes to my family’s mental health and stability.  It may not be the fancy white house with blue shutters, but its warm and full of love.  

Health.  This one is evident. I’m grateful that I’m healthy and strong.  Health is our top priority, but we hardly think about it other than when it’s time to see a doctor.  I’m grateful that as a woman I was healthy enough to bear children, that I’m healthy enough to work, and healthy enough to live a normal life.  

So, tell me, What are you grateful for?

Toby's Estate, Long Island City, Queens 

This past weekend I discovered a gem in my borough! My fellow readers and writers can back me up and tell you how right I am when I say that there could never be enough cute coffee shops with great ambience, delicious coffee, and tasty treats! And as promised, whenever I find a coffee shop that I truly enjoy, I will post about it and share the news. Hopefully, one of the places I post is near where some of you live or work...or worth a trip.  

Located in Long Island City, Toby's Estate, must be at the top of that NYC list of delightful coffee shops!  It has indoor and outdoor seating available. The decor is industrial and super cute.  They had several juices, cold teas, and water ready for grabs in the weird case that you are not a coffee drinker, but can still use a nice place to read, work, or chill.  However, I am a must-have-a-cup-of-joe-first-thing-in-the-morning type of person, so I ordered a cappuccino, which was so delicious I actually finished the entire beverage. (My boyfriend makes fun of me because I never finish a whole cup of coffee.)  I also ordered the whole wheat banana bread, which was super tasty, and my boyfriend ordered a spinach roll and a cold brew, which he also enjoyed very much.  

Toby's Estate, Long Island City, Queens Outdoor Area

Initially, I thought I would never go back as it was about a 15-minute drive and although we found parking right out front immediately, I expected parking to be difficult.  However, it was such a great experience that I think this will be my coffee spot this summer. There were people on coffee dates, there were groups, and there were people sitting enjoying their coffee while reading or working on their laptops.  I plan to be just like those people often! I always think it's pretty unfortunate to have to travel so far for a nice coffee shop, so I'm still hoping that I'll find one I can walk to soon, but until then, I guess I'll be driving...To Toby's Estate.